Struggling Wasn't Easy
by PetrichorGirl13
Summary: Raven's gone missing, Can Robin keep his sanity? What's wrong with Starfire attitude? Most of all why didn't Raven struggle and resist when she was taken? She looked dead at him in the empty room and spat, "Struggling wasn't easy."
1. Chapter 1

**Owning Teen Titans to me feels like when a little kid says they're going to grow up and be president or and astronaut or whatever; impossible! Except for like the small percentage that actually do follow up to their promises. Well one day I will own the Titans, but for now I don't!**

**Raven**

I walked to the main room behind Robin and the rest of the team except for Starfire who was out on a date; Aqualad of course again. As if she couldn't brag enough; like I care why should I? Robin and the boys were going out for pizza, guys only. The Tower all to myself, like it matters all I'll do is meditate or read. When we all got to the door I asked when they would be back, Robin looked me in the eyes and stepped closer replying.

"Why you'll miss me too much?"

"Maybe" I replied trying not to show too much playfulness in my voice, even though they could all tell.

"I'm not sure an hour or two I guess." He kissed my forehead goodbye. I savored the moment when warmth rushed through my body. I noticed Beastboy, turned away facing the door ready to leave, I know he's not happy. But things didn't work out between us things did with Robin… things _do_ with Robin. Things _will_ with Robin, things _have_ to with Robin; he won't leave me.

"Can we go now?" He asked still facing the wall. I let them go.

"Raven when I get back I'll fix your communicator." Cyborg called out to me as the door shut. Yesterday I woke up to find my communicator smashed to bits on floor my bed. When I stood up my feet instantly felt the pain of the sharp metal and plastic.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

I sat down to read my book, to start my book. Robin bought it for me. Someone's behind, I can sense his presence. The tall looming shadow hanging over mine; it made me feel cold suddenly. I was scared to turn around; scared to face him. I didn't move, I couldn't move, I tried. My vision went in and out; I was in and out. I saw who it was… his face… I knew him but… but… but…

**Yep it's short, but it's the first one. So you'll live! And thank you to everyone that reviews and favorites thank you! If you don't well then maybe this message will apply to you. There's only one way to be thanked so review! Or favorite! **


	2. Want or Need?

**If I owned Teen Titans, I wouldn't be writing FF.**

**Raven **

My head is pounding, my heart racing, my emotions; jumbled. There's a sack over my head; I can't see a thing; even if I could my vision feels blurred. Then the questions hit me; how long have I been here? Has my team noticed yet? Why am I here? What does he want? What's going to happen? Where am I?

The cloth is snatched from my head, I can see. But the light flooded my eyes so badly I wish I couldn't. I'm in a cave; my hands are tied behind my back. The chair I sat in was in the dead center of the cave.

"Hello Raven" Red X told me as he became one. He leaned against the cave wall his voice bounced off each corner echoing. Mysteriously he didn't look at me when spook unlike the times before.

"What have you done? Where am I? What do want?" I spat all the questions rushed through my head, well some of them anyways.

"One at a time, I'll answer all your questions as long as I get to ask some too. Do we have a deal?" This could be my chance to ask questions and just find out more about him, then again why would I want to?

"Do we have a deal?" I hesitated, he could tell.

"Raven if you don't want to, you don't have. You just won't leave if you don't." His voice was sooth and calming, like a river that ended in the ocean of possibilities of what could happen…

XXXXXX

I agreed. If it means being able to see my friends again, to see Robin again; then I don't have a choice but to agree. He stood up and began to walk closer to me, now inches apart from my face I inched my head back trying not to show fear in my face. His mask portrayed one emotion the entire time; none. I don't know what he's thinking, that made it all the more harder. He quickly moved back to a decent distance away from me. I'm confused, nervous, not nervous; nervous is mostly temporary I'm scared that I won't see my friends again. I'm tired of waiting.

"First question, what do you want with me?" He circled me like a shark.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?"

"What do you want with me?" I asked again more pronounced.

"I only look out for number one, if I want something I take it."

"If you can't?"

"I didn't plan for escape attempt."

"Why?" There was a long moment nothing happened, the air; still, the tension in the room; fierce.

"Question two… You weren't much of a fight, why didn't you struggle Raven?" I could tell in his voice he was interested, but he didn't seem interested in my answer. He was interested in my reaction, my thoughts; truth is I didn't struggle or put up a fight.

"I don't know." I whisper to myself, my head draped down. Now I have to maintain a quick cover, not showing weakness is important so I spat my next words in anger. Anger that built up from being taken from someone I love.

"_Struggling wasn't easy."_

* * *

**Another chapter done! Truth is this was just about finished yesterday. I just had to make some changes and add the ending, but I was tired and it was like midnight so I went to bed sorry! Thank you everyone that reviewed! I take all reviews and suggestions so thank you! **


	3. Can't think of a cool title! Sorry!

**Robin**

"How could I let this happen?!" I screamed standing in front of the main room couch. I fell back onto the couch. Normally I work well under pressure, when things seem to be falling apart. Not this time, not now; knowing Raven isn't here with me, isn't safe enables my brain from functioning properly.

"Robin this isn't your fault." Cyborg took a step forward and tried to comfort me, but it didn't help. Beastboy had sat on the opposite end of the couch, Cyborg stood in front of the large windows with his back turned to them. The front doors swished open I didn't even have to look to know who it was but I had too. I hoped so badly it would be Raven; of course it wasn't. I turned back around in disappointment when I saw Aqualad with his arm around Starfire.

"No goodnight kiss?" I heard Aqualad ask playfully.

"Of course" she replied slightly laughing at the end. They were still standing in the doorway. I hadn't even noticed Cyborg moved but apparently he did.

"We don't have time for that." Cyborg said seriously I watched as he stepped between them and told him to leave. He left but looked infuriated and confused at the same time. Once he was completely gone out of earshot and the doors were closed Starfire focused her attention on us.

"Cyborg?!" She whined infuriated. Starfire and Aqualad were inseparable; me and Raven shared a connection. Beastboy stood up quickly and turned to her.

"We have bigger problems right now Starfire; Raven is missing!" When he finished he was gone, walked out. He didn't yell, or shout; it was firm.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"I'm going to go find Raven since you're just going to sit here." He told me as he walked out. He was right it was what I needed to hear. How can I just sit here?

"Missing? What do you mean missing? She can't be missing?" She questioned forcefully. Her attitude had changed as much as she couldn't stand Raven. She seemed to deny the fact that she wasn't gone, almost as much as I wanted to.

XXXXXXXXX

"Robin, when Raven needs you most I'm not going to allow you to fail." Cyborg's voice was serious; but brotherly. Then it all clicked, fell into place; Raven is counting on me, I can't let her down now. I won't let her loose faith, loose hope when she needs it more than possibly life. I stood up and felt like myself again.

* * *

**It's been awhile for this story! But in my defense hardest chapter ever to write! I don't even know why but it was really hard! Thank you all reviewers! If you just read this and aren't going to review you make me want to just want to kick something or growl like a fearless bunny!**


	4. Trauma

**Special shout outs to my fabulous reviewers chinaluv, mercury (guest), Guest (guest), Nkcandygirl, Paloma Brighton, and Me myself and I (guest)!**

**Raven**

"Easy is defined as not hard or difficult. You could have easily escaped; you can easily now." He asked me, why does he always have to be right? I'm not sure how to respond because it was true.

"Yeah so?" I said watching him begin to circle around me.

"Why are you still here?" It felt like he spelled it out for me. It felt like he wanted me to leave when he spoke. Maybe that's my cue to leave, after all he is right _again_; why am I still here? Why haven't I gone yet? It's not like I can't escape, he doesn't have my mouth taped shut, and he's not Slade I could take him. It wouldn't be hard or difficult to get away.

"Why did you bring me here, why not take someone else, someone else to be your trophy girl?" I ask dodging the question I hope that it works. Apparently it does.

"Because I want you Raven." He said

"That's nothing new, what's so special about me?" I say confused. I still don't get it.

"_Robin_ sure does see something special in you." He says emphasizing his name.

"_Robin_ loves me; you know nothing about _me_ or _Robin_." I say with just as much emphasis to his name.  
"I know you don't belong with him. I know that you don't belong with them." His voice was so caring, he spoke directly at me looking at me. But no one tells me who I belong with, that's where I draw the line.

"You know nothing about me or who I belong with!" I scream and break free of the chair. I use my powers to throw him at the wall hard after I had chanted my three words. I flew out quickly. I wished I never looked back and I saw his head buried under rock that had fallen on top of him when I threw him. I wish I didn't see where his mask didn't have a red x on it, because it was all red. As much as I hate him, I can't leave him to die. He could've done much worse to me but he didn't. I begin to fly back it didn't take long to get there since I hadn't gotten far at all. When I get there I get all the rock off him. I didn't mean to throw him that hard.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." I say, it's not like it means anything. What's done has been done and I can't change it. I start throwing the rocks off of him immediately. When I finally get them all off I take his mask off. I can't tell who he is, he looks too beat up. I feel worried that he doesn't speak.

"We have to get you to the Tower." I say knowing there are far more medical supplies that can help him. I think I hear him make some kind of groan or moan maybe. I'm not sure if that means no or yes but it doesn't matter. I heal some of his head injury and hope that it does enough to stop the bleeding until we get to the Tower. I use my powers to teleport us to the Tower roof. Hopefully my team is here, I can barely walk. I've used up so much of my powers I feel as if I could pass out.

"Hello, hello" Now I'm in the main room calling out hoping someone will answer back. Somebody faintly answered back and walked into the room; Starfire.

"Raven?! Why do you have the Red X? Where have you been?" She asked forcefully, not caring, or concerned. Curious maybe.

"He needs help, where's everybody?" I ask disregarding her questions.

"Out looking for you." She replies

"Get them all here now" I order her. While she goes to do that I take him to the infirmary and lay him on the table. He's not bleeding by the time the Titans get back so I did help him. They tried to ask me questions about what happened.

"You have to help him first." I say trying to keep my own eyes open.

"We're going to help him Raven why don't you go get rest, we can talk more in the morning." Beastboy tells me comfortingly.

After Cyborg and Robin gave an analysis on everything that was physically wrong with him they left him in the infirmary for the night and the rest of the nights until he would heal. I stayed with him each night sitting on the chair beside his bed. His real name is Jason Todd.

* * *

**Finally, chapter four done! Thank you all my lovely reviewers as mention earlier. I'll be your tour guide and if you look below you see a box which you type a review and proceed to click the review button, please do so now.**


	5. Never Gonna Leave You

**Shout outs go to as always chinaluv, DarkAngelRaven, and Nkcandygirl! **

**Raven**

The wind howls eerily in my face. I can just barely feel it though it's strong enough to pull me awake. A noise of something falling startles me fully awake. I sit up and see a fallen over chair and some knocked over pillows beside the open window. Open?

"X, what are you doing?" I quickly turn to the window where I see him staring out, still in bandages.

"X?" I call his name sleepily.

"I'm leaving, it's been fun Raven." He says. The drugs still must be getting to him because he can't leave now.

"You can't leave, you're still injured." I say walking over to him and grabbing his arm. A small moan escaped him. I look at his face, bare no mask.

"Why?" I ask.

"I waste your time. I sleep all day and you barely leave me even when I'm unconscious. When I'm better you'll just take me to jail." He says. He has a point. What was I thinking? Where else would he go when he gets better, did I really think we'd just let him go and Robin would be okay with it?

"You're thinking about doing something; don't do it, it won't help anyone or yourself." I say pulling his arm back gently.

Robin must've heard me because he rushes into the room, he probably was never asleep.

"Raven what happened?" Robin asks me; Robin demands.

"Ask him." I say unsteady. The expression on his face says it all; he is willing to do some serious damage.

"Well?" He asks the ever so familiar face.

"I was just getting back to bed." He says closing the window and walking to the bed. I let go of his arm before Robin can notice. Then I walk over to Robin and hold his hands.

"Raven you need to get rest, why don't you go back to your own bed?" He says ever so _loving_. For a minute I believe him. I believe in the message he sends me by the way he says the words. I believe I should go back to bed and leave X here alone. I believe that X doesn't need me here anymore and I could leave. If I leave I would show Robin how much I care for him.

"No, Robin this isn't right. I promised that I would keep him safe and be here with him since I caused all this. I'll be fine." I say pulling away from him and yawning. When I spoke I looked dead into his eyes and tried my hardest to hold it there so that he would know I meant it. I didn't really cause all of this. He is the one that kidnapped me but I went along with it.

"Goodnight." He walks out the door looking back once and closing the door. By the time the he closes the door I stand beside the bed.

"Why couldn't I leave?" He asks me.

"The same reason I didn't." I answer him.

"What's that?"

"I didn't want to." I say sleepily smiling.

"You never promised me." He says as I sit in the chair.

"I know." I say looking down.

He grabs my hand and I gradually fall asleep; never letting go.

* * *

**I can't tell you how many times I changed this chapter around; maybe about 4 or 5 and right when I'm about to post it too! So I'm sorry that this took a bit to update, really I am! But I've been busy lately with um… stuff…**

**Review please :)**


	6. Encrypted

**My agenda: Not owning Teen Titans**

**From chapter 3…**

**Mercury- Regarding you question about Starfire, it is to be answered about… now!**

**Guest- I'm updating! And you question is answered now, just read!**

**And Alondra from chapter 2- I don't speak Spanish :(**

**Starfire**

Raven finally pulled herself away from Red X. She does not even love Robin, why does he not see it like I do? I tried my hardest get along with her when Robin and Raven first started to date… I was not successful. Now I fully hate her, she is no longer my friend. I sit on my bed in my room and look at a picture taken years ago. Raven and I standing side by side him giving me the camera a week smile. We both wore the Mickey Mouse hats. I had to force Raven to wear one we went to Disney Land. I do miss her friendship, before she stole Robin from me. I hid the picture and my memory when I hear a knock on the door.

"Yes?" I answer the knock

"It's me, Red X." He said surprising me. What does he want? I walk over to the door and crack it open.

"Just wanted to talk." He said, I became very angry at his words.

"We have nothing to talk about." I said forcefully and closed the door.

"We could talk about why you have no friends." He spoke from the other side of the door. I feel complete utter shock when I hear his accusation.

"I have plenty of friends, but certainly not you!" I screamed back at him opening the door. I was not granted the privilege of seeing him without his mask. Although his was broken Robin had an extra one that he had used when he used the costume.

"Well then who?" He asked pushing me further. I could not let others hear of this conversation. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in my room closing the door.

"Starfire when I first saw you, you were happy and loved the Titans. What happened?" His voice almost sounded like Robin's.

"Why do want to know?" I asked sadly.

...

"Did you find out why she hates my guts?" Raven asked Red X as he walked into the infirmary. The infirmary had really become his room kinda; he had been doing much better lately though.

"Yeah, it's pretty bad too." He answered her. Raven sat on the edge of the bed and stood up walking towards him when he entered.

"What?"

"In her words, _she stole Robin from me_." He said while standing at the door.

"What, but they never dated." Raven replied a bit confused.

"I know"

"I have to say I don't know how you did it but you're good." She said giving him praise on how he found out the encrypted information.

"I know" was all he could say. Even though there had been some change in him, he was still and probably would always be the cocky Red X looking out for number one.

XXXXXXXX

"What do you think they're doing in there?" The curious green changeling asked his metal friend. They both stood by the door; Beastboy with his ear to the door.

"I can't hear anything!" He whispered frustrated.

"Man we shouldn't be here, this is a private conversation." Cyborg advised a bit fearful.

"You said the same thing when we were in her room."

"Yeah and looked what happened then!" He shouted

"SHHH!" Beastboy quieted him. Just then the door swung open.

"Something I can help you with?" Raven asked them annoyed with none other than Red X by her side.

* * *

**Sorry for then infrequent updates guys, I really am. But today I was inspired to write because I was so ecstatic! Want to know why, I'll tell you! Nkcandygirl wrote me an one year anniversary story (I didn't even remember! It doesn't even feel like a year.); you should all check it out! Review **


	7. Love and Lust

**I DON'T OWN TEEN TITANS! OKAY? I DON'T EVEN OWN A BIRTH CERTIFACATE! Just kidding, I own one of those. Not Teen Titans though.**

**Alondra- Maybe he is, maybe! And I have a slight idea of what will become of him in the end, but I'm still trying to work out the kinks. Sometimes I do think it's alright to not be afraid to change everyone's personality as long as you have a good reason and it makes sense. Thanks for liking this story! **

**Chinaluv- Tanks!**

"Hey Raven, you want to go out?" Robin asked his mirror. He stood in front of the mirror in front of his room practicing.

"What am I doing? Raven's my girlfriend!" Robin firmly told himself. It's not like he had had a crush on her and finally has the courage to ask her out.

_"Raven won't turn me down, she said she loves me_." Robin thought to himself. He tried to help himself calm down but it didn't work so well. He walked to the elevator and down to the infirmary, trying his hardest to build his confidence as he slowly walked.

Robin nervously reached out to open the door. However he stopped when he heard voices inside. At first it was quiet.

"No, I can't do this." Robin knew that was Raven's soft voice.

"It's okay…" He could barely hear the hushed whispers and was at the point of pressing his ear against the door. A minute or two passed and Robin couldn't bare the eerie silence between his girlfriend and the thief. Robin refused to face the thought that Raven was falling in love with someone that wasn't him.

Raven and Red X sat on the edge of the bed laughing at something he said. Raven stared into his eyes. They weren't masked and they were beautiful. They almost looked like Robin's. But they were different, they were deeper. Robin fought for justice, Red X fought for him.

Red X stared into her eyes. They were different from any other girls. Normally he always had girls before he came to Jump, but now he had to make an effort.

Red X inched closer and closer as Raven stared at his lips. She kept staring until there was almost no space between them.

"No, I can't do this." She said thinking of Robin.

"It's okay, you don't have too; you're in love." He whispered into her ear and squeezed her hand. Raven closed her eyes.

"I'm not sure who with." She whispered huskily into his ear. Jason smiled and sighed.

"What do I have to do, to have you all mine and all alone?" He said smirking at her. Raven was a bit taken by the sultriness to his voice. The question lingered on her skin. It seemed like he could make the whole world disappear so that it was only him and Raven. He made her forget about everything; her responsibility, time, her friends even Robin.

Raven tried to think of a reply to his question, something simple. "The thing anyone has to do, make me love them." She said looking into his eyes and letting go of his hand.

"I have to go." Raven said standing up and walking out. Jason watched her leave, it seems as if they were both a bit disappointed or was it just desperation.

The door creaked open and the Robin stood in the doorway.

"Hey Raven, you alright?" He asked concerned when he saw her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said looking up at his strong muscular arms. Immediately when she thought of his strength thoughts of what he could to Jason filled her mind. "_It would be all my fault"_ she thought to herself.

Robin knew she was lying when she answered and instinctively went to hold her. He wrapped his arms around her; she buried her face into his chest. Robin completely ignored Jason as if he wasn't even there.

"We're all going to the fair tonight, you want to come? It'll just be us afterward." He said. Robin tried everything he could think of to get her to come, possibilities of what to say next filled his mind. He thought for sure that the "_it'll be just us"_ would do the trick though. Of course she would want to be alone with Robin, she's alone with Jason all time.

"Just us?" Raven questioned a bit unsure.

"Only us" Robin answered her while squeezing her a bit tighter.

"Yeah sure" Raven answered while cutting her eye at the person sitting on the bed.

"What time is it?" Raven asked unaware.

"Umm about five thirty" Robin said.

"What it's that late?" Raven asked shocked looking up at him. They started walking out of the room together, his arm around her waist.

"You know what they say; time flies when you're having fun." Jason said selfishly in their direction. Robin looked back at him and slammed the door shut, leaving him alone. Alone; lately for him that became and unfamiliar feeling.

…

Cyborg and Beastboy are playing basketball. Starfire; who knows where she is? Raven and Robin walked to the roof. Robin joined the basketball game. Raven just decided to do some deep meditation, something she hadn't done in a while.

Inside Raven's Mind:

"Happy where are you?" Raven called out seeing that she wasn't in her usual place.

"Here I am!" She cheered popping up from behind her.

"We need to talk." Raven said seriously.

"That's something I'm good at, we could talk about flowers, or the Titans, or-" Happy began to ramble

"No, we need to talk about something more serious. We need to talk about Robin; about how I, about how we feel about him." Raven guided her.

"Ohhh, well you don't need to talk to me about that. You need to talk to Love about that." The way she said her name made Raven cringe.

"There is no emotion called Love. You are Happy because of things that make you happy such as love and peace." Raven said a bit confused.

"Exactly the emotion Love makes me feel happy. Whenever you develop new feelings there's always an emotion to go with them, duh!" She explained

"Whatever just take me to Love." Raven said agitation in her voice.

They journeyed far through the realms in her mind; through Curiosity, Bravery, Rage, Fear and many more. Finally arriving in Love's realm was very familiar. It was the infirmary, there were many versions of Raven and Jason in the room. It was where her feelings for him were nurtured. Raven sitting in the chair holding Jason's hand as he slept. Another version showed them staring out the window, Jason is smiling down at her. Another version shows them sitting on his bed with Raven sobbing into his chest, Jason's arms around her comfortingly. Even one with Raven on her tip- toes kissing his cheek and running out the room.

They were all memories.

"I don't love him, I love Robin." Raven protested emotionally. Well at least she could willingly show her emotions here. Happy had already left.

"Yeah try telling that to me." Her voice was sultry and elegant.

"Why haven't you been here already, I've been with Robin for more than a year now? I should've known you were in my mind." Raven said.

"Haven't you ever heard of easier said than done? Just because you tell him you love him doesn't mean you do. Yeah I was here, but I was just more of an infatuation. You never did admit to yourself that you loved him." Love said.

"Where are the memories of me and Robin?"

Love walked around the bed to a door that doesn't exist in the real world, Raven followed. They walked through and it was a different scene.

It took place in the hallway in front on Raven's door. Robin stood on one side of the door in the hallway with Raven on the other side in her room. The door as the medium between them, separating them. Memories shown of them laughing together, of her crying, even yelling; all through the door they did all this. Only at the end did the door open, Raven gave him a tight hug.

"This was after the worst and last of my fights with Beastboy. I didn't even want to see anyone. But Dick was there for me." Raven said.

"What happening to that one?" Raven gestured a bit worried. She had pointed to a memory of her and Robin where they had both fallen asleep by the door, slumped on it. Their fingers touched barely under the door. However it quickly began to fade until she could barely see it to the point where it was nothing.

"You're love for Robin is quickly fading, look how strong these are." Love said, turning around and looking back through the door where Jason was with Raven.

"When was my love for Robin this strong? How long ago?" Raven asked.

"It never was."

"What do you mean?" Anger sprinkled in Raven's tone.

"Robin comforted you and made you feel good about yourself, gave you self confidence. Though you liked how he made you feel there's a difference between that feeling and love." Said Love

"But-" Raven began.

"I was never there."

"I'm leaving." Raven flew out overwhelmed and confused.

…

There was a knock on the door of Raven's room.

"You ready to go?" Cyborg asked excitedly. The opened and Raven walked out saying she was ready. When she saw Robin in the main room she gave him a gentle kiss and grabbed his hand ready to leave.

_I love Robin. I love Robin. I love him and he loves me._

_XXXXXX_

After the fair

I walked into my room and to my surprise Jason was there wearing his Red X costume.

"Raven I'm leaving, my decision is final. You're always welcome to come with me but you need to make your choice. It's either me or Robin." He briefly said.

Silence fills the air.

"I've already made a choice."

* * *

**WOW! That was lengthy, well for me it was. But are you wondering who she chose?! Me too! Well I know, duh. Please ****_review_**** and tell me what you think. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN! **


End file.
